Rejection, Wounds, and Generational Patterns
What a wonderful promise God gave to us through the psalmist David that encouraged him with God's plan to provide for him all the days of his life and redeem him from the devil's power. Do you believe this to be true for yourself? For your family?
We come from all sorts of backgrounds, cultures, social and economic positions, sets of beliefs, religious affilation, values, and morals. They are all based upon how and where we have been raised. We call this our "family of origin." Google defines family of origin this way: the significant caretakers and siblings that a person grows up with, or the first social group a person belongs to...often a person’s biological or adoptive family.
I am sure you can tell stories about how you were raised. We all can and do. And often you might hear your friends say "I'm never going to make the same mistakes my mom or dad made.” Yet many times they live out these very same patterns in their own lives because these bents toward certain habits, reactions, and mistakes get passed down from generation to generation. Some good and some not so good. Some can even be categorized as curses.
Generational patterns play significant roles in how we view ourselves, how we view God and others. Our sense of belonging and identity normally comes from our development as children within our families. From them we learn who we are as individuals. Unfortunately, though, some have battled significant wounds from their youth that have caused them to believe the lie that they are unworthy, unvalued, unaccepted, and unloved. And because of this many unconsciously (or even consciously) reject themselves. Why? Because the rejection caused by external circumstances pierced their very souls and became part of their emotional make-up.
A wounded heart can then become numb and hardened against the world, God, and individuals closest to them.
Of course, there are many forms and layers of rejection and different types of wounds. Some cause people to lash out when triggered by something said or by an unpleasant event in the external environment. When, how, and why are they triggered? And what is it that triggers the negative reaction?
When we perceive a threat, at that moment it becomes our reality and we go into a flight, fight, or freeze mode in order to protect the very core of our being; our heart from being crushed one more time. This is a method of coping that seems to lessen the perception of rejection, woundedness, and pain. We don't want to admit that we are being reactionary, yet our reactions - even our facial expressions - give away our secret. We are wounded individuals in need of healing.
Have you felt this type of rejection or woundedness and then reacted in a vain attempt to protect your heart? I know I have, countless times. We need more than simply an ability effectively to cope with being rejected. For actually all we really need or want is to belong, to feel loved, and be loved unconditionally.
My friend, there is hope! There is an answer! And that is to be found in our Savior - Jesus. If rejection is part of your story, try to recall who or what rejected you and how it first happened. Then realize that Jesus knows and understands rejection. It says so in Isaiah 53:3-5 that He was wounded and rejected by many people. (scripture reference) 1 And Jesus wants us to give these wounds over to Him, receive His unconditional love, then be totally healed. I know - this can sound trite, possibly even like a cliché. But it's true!
Then, during the healing process, these painfully deep inner wounds can appear to be a threat to us as they are being exposed and brought to light. But it is so worth it to receive the coming and full healing. And there is a tremendous benefit, too, for future generations in our family.
As we begin the process of this deep healing, we must allow ourselves to become vulnerable, open, and real about our essential need to receive healing, belong, and be truly loved. And as we make this choice to receive this healing from our loving Lord, the result is that we can pass on a different pattern to our children! Our identity and who we are as defined by HIM (The Great I AM, our loving God, and Savior)! His healing then extends to the outward manifestations of woundedness - healing us from patterns of addiction, abuse, insecurity, unworthiness, pornography and co-dependency, unforgiveness, anger, and rage. Let's take an inventory of past patterns that have been repeated generation after generation. Then let's be intentional to take action, ask our God to intervene in our lives to begin the healing process. Let's all stand in faith fully expecting His love to envelop and enfold us. He can give us that fresh start that only He can bring - newness of life, peace, security, and unconditional love.
Abram in the Old Testament heard God give him a new name - Abraham - a new beginning and a promise to be the patriarch of nations! Suddenly the old was gone. The new had come. Abraham traded his old life for a totally new one. And we can too, through the finished work Jesus Christ did at Calvary!
"And the LORD your God will bring you into the land that your fathers possessed, that you may possess it. And He will make you more prosperous and numerous than your fathers. And the LORD your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your offspring, so that you will love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, that you may live. And the LORD your God will put all these curses on your foes and enemies who persecuted you. And you shall again obey the voice of the LORD and keep all His commandments that I command you today. The LORD your God will make you abundantly prosperous in all the work of your hands, in the fruit of your womb, and in the fruit of your cattle, and in the fruit of your ground. For the LORD will again take delight in prospering you, as He took delight in your fathers, when you obey the voice of the LORD your God, to keep His commandments and His statutes that are written in this Book of the Law, when you turn to the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul" ~~
Deuteronomy 30: 5-10 (ESV).
Just as Abraham did, I want to believe in this same promise for my family and our future generations. Will you believe with me? Will you hold fast to the promises of His Word? I purpose to take hold of His promises, press in, and trust in Him for myself and my family's future. Will you do the same for your family? I want to see us enter the promised land just as Joshua did several generations after Abraham.
“Now therefore fear the Lord and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness. . choose this day whom you will serve, . . . but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” ~~ Joshua 24:14-15 (edited).
I have made my inventory of patterns that have plagued my family and the generations before I was even born. Are you willing to do the same? Please join me to stand in the gap and make a difference in our families.
Let's pray together: Heavenly Father, I desperately need You to reveal in my heart where and when the rejection came in and how it has wounded my being. Father, I believe and trust that Your Word can heal and restore not only me, but my entire family. Father, You are good! And I trust that Your desire is to see everyone in Your Kingdom. I purpose not to wait, but I have made the choice to run to You, Lord God. I run fast and hard, and with purpose into Your arms to be healed and free! I receive the work You so desperately want to do in me and my family. Amen.
"I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the grasshopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you" ~~ Joel 2:25 (ESV).
"He is despised and rejected by men,
A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.
Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed" ~~ Isaiah 53:3-5 (NKJV)
- Elizabeth Bowman